•.• Surprises •.•

Life is full of surprises... I love surprises, I think those are spices of life and that makes our life more colourful...

Recently, me and one of my sis quarreled, we were like primary sch kids, we snapped each other, irritate each other then we said we wanna stop being friends.. We had a really hard time, although it was just a few hours time.. But it hurts..

The next day, I went to her office, gave her a surprising birthday present with a handmade card.. we said no words and hugged then followed with tears.. Ariel was correct, if we really dun care about each other, why would we feel not happy?

After that surprise, I caught myself in a 'surprise' too, I nearly had a car accident on my way home.. I really thought that there goes my car, my vacation plans.. The car was just a few millimeter away from my door (driver's side), she had an emergency brake and I turned back to the left.. I screamed until my heart was nearly falling off through my throat!

I haven't seen the whole world yet, I haven't experienced a lot in life, haven't been in a serious relationship, haven't been in a marriage, haven't had my own family and own kids, haven't been successful in my career, haven't ease my parents' life... I still have a lot to do! 

Take one step at a time... when will it lead to my destiny of happiness?

surprises...  miracle...

•.• Back to caRroT soon •.•

I came to think whether my life is really filled with Love now? How come I feel a sense of sorrow somewhere in my heart?

Went to do something on my hair today... I believe that will in a way enlighten my day... [when you look prettier, you'll feel that your days are better and brighter! =)  ]

Being negative is so tiring... That's why I kinda forced myself to be very positive; lift up my mood daily; whenever I feel like getting angry, put a smile on my face, jokingly ease the situation...

I am trying to pull myself out from the dreamy place... need to see it clearer from the side, so that I can judge better, so that there won't be any misunderstanding...

I used to think that I know you so well; I used to think that you care about me so much; I used to think that perhaps you would be the one; I used to take things for granted. Now, it's time to re-look at the whole situation... I would not wanna say that I am totally wrong, shouldn't be so negative, should not cut my heart slices by slices just like this. All I need to do now is to observe from the side... be more objective.. without bias...

Will be back to caRroT very soon...

 

•.• 会开心起来的 •.•

时间不等人，我也不想再等了。所以，很多时候我会很快的作决定，不晓得是对还是不对？
有人说我太冲动了……也许吧？搞得现在有点不上不下的，该怎么办？顺其自然吧……不说都说了……
你还会join我们吗？不会的话，希望你能早点告诉我们，到底在拖什么？


冷淡……我没多余的精神去理会或烦恼这些了，没有了工作，才真正的感觉到工作对于自己是多么的重要！这次绝对不会再草率地接受自己不想要的工作了……要找一份自己在工作以后还会有时间做自己喜欢做的事的！！

乐观……最近学会了看开及乐观，很多事情发生了，可以有很多不同的面，而我们不一定要只专注于不好的那一面，可以看看那好的一面啊！人生会好过许多！

嘴巴是别人的，你不能捂住它不让它说你的坏话；
眼睛是别人的，它要怎么看你，你总不可能把它给挖出来不再让它看你；
脑袋是别人的，它爱怎么想，你控制不了！


别为这些我们根本无法控制的事情而烦恼吧！多浪费精神及时间！


开心！我发觉自己的人生其实充满了爱……

•.• 谁才真的了解我？•.•

我不懂自己是否又再次走错了一步？

好朋友的定义在哪里？什么才叫做好朋友？为什么让你更清醒看见自己弱点的就非好朋友？为什么所谓让你不开心一阵子的就并非好朋友？

我只是很想知道你到底在想什么而已，这样有错吗？是谁说现在是新时代，男女平等？是真的平等了吗？只是当机立断了一点点，只是主动地问了个很平凡的问题，这样就算做错了吗？

我是在不断的撕下自己的心吗？为什么要这样不断的伤害自己？这样会有好过一点吗？不但不能得到任何人的同情，就连自己也会看不起自己！

我只是想过简单快乐单纯的生活，这个要求有很过份吗？为什么总是那么复杂？

•.• Overcoming •.•

Guess I am overcoming the most torturing situation? 

I have made a move to talk to someone from the team, after some debating, she actually shared her personal view and experience with me... 

This job requires a lot of passion and patience! Once you lost the interest and keen towards this job, you will definitely feel that this job pays too less and it's just not worth you wasting so much time!!

To me, one thing I lacked the most was the connection with the team. Everyone seems to mind their own business, or rather, I am the only one alone... like I am doing work all by myself, seems like nobody will back me up even when I am not around... that was how stressful I was! You don't even feel comfortable to take leave! Or even MC!! Sad.... I cried almost every now and then... It's so difficult to drag myself to work every morning, so sad for myself every night when I drive home, feel so heartbroken whenever I saw my mum and dad waiting tiredly for me to come home...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Situation has improved a lot now... At least we joke with each other in the team, at least my 'sifu' is more willing to guide me, at least whenever I talk to the team, they will let me know if it is not a good time to talk, we will talk another time... At least, there is a connection.... *relieved*


I am a bit confused now.. Is this what I love to do actually? Otherwise, how come it has been so difficult for me to find a new job? I had to cracked my head and thought about what I really wanna do... yet, I was not able to think of one... What is my career goal other than hotel line? I am confused.....


But now, I am still here... in the hell hotel line.... Will I be long there? No one will be able to know....

•.• How do I de-stress myself ? •.•

Feb 2010 is truly a super stressful transit period for me!
T_T

Moving to another team is not as easy as I thought it would be! Not that I underestimate the situation, but I think I overestimate my capability...

I thought I am brave and confident. In fact, I am quite surprised that I am that timid! I feel like giving up every moment now... I am panic, I am scared! I dun feel like going to work everyday! I do not have any idea of what surprises will I get from the day.. I am worried until I am not sure how to take every single step! 
T_T

I cried... I felt suffocated, I couldn't hold anymore and my tears just burst... 
I cried all the way home, I even cried when I was on the phone with someone... I dunno how.. I am so stressed up!

For 2 whole weeks, I have never been home any earlier than 11pm!! Why do I wanna live this kinda life? Does all the hard work worth? Will I eventually give in my own health? 

*********************************************************************

We went for a relaxing drinking session at Delicious @ Duo Regency, it is really a nice hang out place! We had lots of fun there... I wanna go there again one day... when I am so stressed up... it's a place where I can relax my mind & soul....

 
Wine is acceptable in my De-stress list, but NO hard liquor, loud music & dance please.... It just won't work! And it makes me more sick!! I had dry throat, aching back, sleepy & dry eyes, and tired body the next day... And.. mentally I feel more stress!! Leave me alone next time please.....
T_T


I hope the stress will become a dessert for me as soon as possible... 
I am trying my very hard to be positive & confident...
I need support.... Where are all my close friends? I need you all now...
T_T

•.•做回我自己•.•

Do I need to force myself to do something which I dun really like to do, just because I hope to be included in a group of people?

Well, I used to really make myself do something which I feel uneasy to do cos I dun wish people to think that I am lame or outdated... That was a stressful period, cos I have to think of excuses to explain to mum and dad, have to adapt myself into that activity, have to force myself to act happy and enjoying it etc. So much of stress and unhappiness! Wat is this for?


Now, I start to understand and accept who myself really am:

•.• Accept it if you dun really enjoy clubbing with a whole gang of friends who you dun feel secured with, then Don't join them!
•.• Accept it when you dun really wanna go shopping with that bunch of friends, then Don't join them!
•.• Accept it when you really feel like staying relaxingly at home, just wanna read some books or write some diary, then Don't force yourself to go out!
•.• Accept it even if you realised that you are a boring person! Can just sit there with a friend, doing nothing much, not much of topics to chat about, just like to be there with someone quietly, then Don't question yourself 'is there anything wrong with me?'
•.• Accept it when you really wish to do something really lame, eg. cleaning your grandpa's dirty house with your cousin, you Do Not need to get anyone's consent to do it! Cos you are the one who is willing to do, and you do it sincerely!

That's me, and I start to enjoy being myself, being the way how I should always be!

That's when you are able to really enjoy your life, doing things that you love to do, do not care so much of how people would judge you (those people might not be always right anyway!).. As long as what you do, do not only benefit yourself, and do not harm anyone else.

Start loving yourself, before you love anyone else. Cos you will learn how to love other people when you learnt how to love yourself!
=)